Just... A Blog.

Assalamualaikum peeps :) and Salam Maal Hijrah.


I'm not pointing my title to anyone. It's for me. Yes, I'm an idiot.

This morning, I couldn't sleep. Biasa, pukul 1 lebih aku dah tidur but this morning, pukul 2 aku belum tidur lagi. IDK why. HAHAHAHA maybe sebab dah tidur banyak kot petang tu :p hahaha kantoi tidur je keja kau Ameyza kan? Hahaha wtv it's holiday guys. It's during holidays you can qadha you tidur and makan :p hahahaha k. So, aku lepak sorang-sorang kat bawah but then, well you know when you're alone in the middle of the night, creepy thoughts starts wandering in your head. Grrrrr siot la kan. Then I grabbed my mp3 and rushed upstairs. Lol. My sister was already deep in sleep so, it was me 'alone' in the room. I couldn't remember what show Disney Channel was showing but it's not fun or interesting but I couldn't sleep. Then, idk what made me grab my phone and opened the inbox -.-' and so, there I was, alone, on bed, reading old text messages with mp3 in my ears, playing all the sad love song. Sh*t. What is wrong with me?! Why did I do that? All the texts from Kak A and Aliff, I read it all. Before I knew it, I was crying. Tears were like rain on my cheek. OMG I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT! WHY ON EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I CHOOSE TO READ OLD TEXTS THAT EVENTUALLY HURTS ME? Tak tipu hati aku macam rapuh sangat. I read all the happy texts when Aliff still responded and replied all my texts and I was like 'Why did you avoid me now Aliff? What did I do wrong?'. Not just texts from Aliff but also from Kak A. All her texts kinda brought me back to the times when we were still together. And it hurts to the bottom of my heart to remember all the things that we used to do at school. All the memories and so.

Oh before I go to sleep, I had a short talk with Peja about Aliff. I was like, holding back my tears when we talked about him. And when I IM-ed with Fahmie on Facebook, I told him we're in the same shoes. Deep inside I told myself 'Damn Meyza. You're making the wrong thing bringing up about Aliff.' And then, Fahmie asked for his FB profile. So, I just gave it to him. And of course la kan, dengan tak sengajanya ter-stalk fb profile dia. Hmmm dia online elok je selama ni. Siap tukar dp apa semua. But why didn't he approve my request? Clearly he was avoiding me kan? KAN? Huh.

Okay so, sambung cerita atas tu, well, I cried. I miss Kak A and Aliff. I miss them so much. But then, I felt like, there's no use. So, I closed my eyes, and force myself to stop crying. Then I opened them and there, I know it's just my feeling but I felt like Disney really understands my condition at that time. It was Good Luck Charlie on screen. Then Phineas and Ferb. Than The Suite Life on Deck and at last, Hannah Montana. So, I spend the coming few hours with laughs. After Hannah Montana, I decided to sleep. Then, I thought. 'I've been a crazy idiot tonight. Crying like tomorrow's never coming and the next second, laughing like insane to Disney's sitcoms. Haha.'

I've dealt with unstable emotions last night. And finally get through. And woke up this morning with a smile. Haha.

Whatever it is, we have to be strong. There's an inner strength inside of us. We just need to discover it. Well thanks for reading. Assalamualaikum :)